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Message-ID: <101315Z09071994@anon.penet.fi> Newsgroups: alt.drugs From: an4467@anon.penet.fi Date: Sat, 9 Jul 1994 10:08:04 UTC Subject: Solo Shroom Trip Log Comments and Questions Welcome.... MM. [Post-trip comments are in brackets, like this sentance] May 16, 1994 6:01pm Began ingesting 1.53 grams dried mixed with 1 can of tuna. Ick! sand! Chewing pretty well.. would do better but the sand is annoying Getting OJ to wash everything down with... Put some Yes on, and finding a ds9 episode to watch. 6:14 Completed ingestion. Watching ds9. Or not. recorded it wrong. Drank a glass of OJ. Put cool music video on instead ;-) 6:20 Maybe +1. A couple alerts. Chill. Bzzt on left eye. A little body effect. 6:25 A little buzzing in ears... some body energy perhaps. 6:28 Unignorable effect... buzzing, heavy limbs arms seem kinda long... neat! Feeling some more body energy.. like restlessness.... 6:32 Massive energy.... really rushy actually. Realized I don't have to write EVERYTHING into here. this is just a little log... I can go anywhere or do whatever, and it won't show in this record....! 6:38 Played with the flashlight for a little while. We're here! Seriously +2!!!!! Fairly equivalent to [previous very mild 1st experience]... i think... but not sure. Still seems to be building. 6:41 Urge to take a walk. Some nausea. But really zinging, all in all! 6:46 Wouldn't even think of driving at this point... thoughths are lucid but there is so much more stuff interesting than this need to type.... 6:49 Can't beleive how much energy,. neat idea for an sf story... drug which makes the safety curcuit in your head go... so you can get into infinite loops!!! SO MUCH ENERGY.... A little interested in open eye visuals but can't get them going CEVs are somewhat interesting...pink and white brain coral things... Called M&K. (Post Call) Okay to talk to but things are really moving faster and faster right now... arms seems a zillion miles away. the keyboard is so amazingly small, this is cool! I wonder if my blood pressure is up, cuz I can see things popping out on my hands a bit... interesting... should realy have medical equipment so SOMEONE can figure out what this does to your body... mind you, right now I don't mind what's going on. But I can imagine being in a state where I WOULD! 7:12 ENERGY CITY! Standing is fucking hilarious! I keep over amping my motions.... like overcorrecting would casue a fall... this is REALLY COOL. 7:28 +3!!!!! It's too much to do to keep typing! 7:44 Music is wonderful.. the energy is a pleasant if a little demanding. The urge to let the mind wander into all sorts of interesting places tends to be very strong but the urge to write everythng down so I can look at it while I am striaght. Also overwhelms I am aware of all the viens in my hands and the speed with which I am tyyping is terribly intersting... the veins are really wierd... But the music and everything is the GREATEST... plus the tenetion in my arms from the awkard way I am writing. 7:55 I can see how this can be overwhelming.. the energy is amazing.. you just have to let it go, and hang with evetything.... it's so pleasant. but you can't force it ... just hang tight and enjoy the RIDE!!!!! wow. [ Ate a chocolate truffle... Was very sensual. Drank some water. Wandered around, petted the cat, etc. ] 8:34 REVELATION! I have many many expectations and aways of looking at people which express the inherent negativity of the situation. But, why don't I look at things instead with an air of HOW MUCH THEIR CURENT SITUATION IS VIEWED BY THEM AS PSOSITIVE.... AND PERHAPS BY LOOKING AT THINGS FROM THE "THINGS ARE FINE" PERSPECTIVE, I CAN GET SOME INSIGHT INTO HOW I MIGHT DIRECT MY OWN LIFE TOAWARD A SIT Stop epecting everyone to share your perspectoive of how miserable their existance is. Nah. its not that dramatic... but I have a flair for the bold... huh. way from this... look at how other perceive things as positive,... and stop epecting everyone to share your perspectoive of how miserable their existance is. Nah. its not that dramatic.,.. but I have a flair for the bold... huh. 8:37 Typing this is SOOOOOOO neat I can disconnect my mind fro the method of expression which is the words coming out of the fingers on the ends of my hands... I wonder if what am typing makes any sense? wowowowowowowow [ I think I typed straight for about 20 minutes at this point. ] Must try to recod some of this. My face in the mirror. My hands RIGHT NOW! The warmth of the notebook on my lap. the focus and every with which I interract with everything I wish I knew this keyboard better because it is a limited way to express myself because I know I am not hitting the correct keys all of the time. Howver, I am getting better, I beleive with every passing second. I know I am working harder to hit the corect keys, and it seems easier than before to do the right thing and let my hands wander over the keys but how to harness this kind of energy... not really any way... its just something you can experience. but then you have to let it go. Intersting as hell. So many inhibitions completely gone. I can type this and know I WILL BE ABLE TO LOOK AT IT LATER... BUT PARTS OF MY BRAIN ARE WATCHING THE REST OF THE WORD (Damn!) Or rather, are watching what I am doing instead of just GOING with it.... there's always this "EGO" observer of what you are doing and making sure it's okay. Somehow part of that is somewhat disconnected when I type like this because I can just let everything go and keep things going... the hands are now the observer recording wherever my mind is (just closd my eyes) however the world pulsates... a fish swimming.. silver... angles jumpsuit THIS IS SO FUNNY TO REREAD EVEN NOW!!!!!!! heheheheh! it will be nice to rest thgouh.. the effort that must come into taking an LSD trip where you are on the road for HOURS AND HOURS. I am somewhat exhausted by all this... but it's ok. The lightening outside is VERY surreal... the light from the notebook demands attention but the outside clouds swarm by the two trees (I couldn't write this way straight, because I wouldn't be able to suitably let go of that ego thing I WAS THINKING ABOUT EARLIER.) NOTE THAT MY TYPING IS MORE OR LESS EXACTLY IN SP(AJHGRGHRG!) [I mistyped and was annoyed, I think. Speed?] with my thoughts. I can slow down or I can type fast. There is a need to be fast becaise I know this state won't be here forever... but there might be something to bring back with the looking at things positively thing... It's amazing tht I can make my hands be this disconnected organ capable of typing whwtaever I send at them... never protesting but knowing when things are a litle too much and de,amdmg tjay tjeu ne et slow down so tjeu cam ne accirate agaom [demanding that ??? slow down so they can be accurate again] Wow. Not accurate at all. Much easier with the eyes open. This will be so STUPID to read later... but its fun right now... which IS the point, isn't it? WHO DO I expect to judge me? Or do I judge myself,.. this is silly... but this is getting at something important I think I am understanding this whole trip thing now... it really lets you look at things in a straightforward way,... the music is fine... but the ability to type and to reflect on what is being thought is FACINATING!.................. I can't abstract too much. I feel this need to type evething. If I ERASED THISS I WOULD NEVER KNOW WHAT I WROTE!!! But, would I even remember that I had wanted to rease it. This ability to type is cool cool its just so connected and tight just typing away while everything in the world fors on my[roars on by?]... I can keep my head on several different levels at the same time! Do I do this all the time? Do I always hear the music, look at the window, see the lgithing, focus on what I am doign, type and write? This is like a catharsis thing?!! Everything just pooring out. I mustn't erase. But that's just a weird "going home" craving. I've THGOUHT these things, but I can get them on paper(ish) now. This is pretty amazing. And there is NO FEAR that what I took is something besides what I think it is.... CUZ I grew it! I made it! My work my time my effort... this need to share is ammzing... the cat ... where is she... (I am aware that I am rambling. I AM aware that things are going VERY VERY fast, and that I'm doing the stream of conciousness thing. Abstract appropriately... I'm aware that I'm aware and so forth.) I want to share this. Must erase that bit. heh. This will be interesting later. I know what it was, but the rest of you won't. I can't really even tell you that. I keep typing because this will be so am(saved)azing to read later. But its tiresome to type, but the recordning is just part of this experience... other experiences will be different (ITs getting dark now) Do we always have this much going on in our hgeads... awareness of the windows my feet the time te [the?] my OWN awareness? I wish I could type better than I do so that others who read this will be able to see the thoughts which are, I'm afraid, rather crystal clear at this point. BUT so effing much! So many levels. Must keep all this under control most of the time! but not right now. Just me and this fucking typewriter. If you'd only seen all the silly images I've been parading And we can't possibly forget the face in the mirror. Mine, but much DIFFERENT! WOW. Can I show this to anyhene? A measure of how close we are I think? But thatthought first came wihout reproach, and now it comes with a more "is this a good thing to say standpoint"... the ego thing! (I hate typing h's I won't type tem any more becasue I always it te wrong goddam key tis is fun! No fucking letters I can't say! Damn I am estatic h(oops!)ere! Tius is great hhhhhhh (see its not gone, just more fun not to. Why this stupid paranoia? it is odd that this is going on so long.. I took the shroms at 6pm. Its now 8:54. How much longer? It's okay.. but I can see how the wrong UNSAFE setting could make you crazy. I KNOW KNOW KNOW what's going on, so I'm (dont foget what you thought before) I know this is neat; I know this will look silly... but I can explore my thoughts clearly..or is that something I READ? OH I DON'T KNOW ... BUT ITS THE WAY THINGS ARE right now.......... stop. breath. this i(knee) can't get everything down right... hsi vcsant [this can't?] type fast enough.. this is VERY PRIVATE... but amazing. can see my thoughts... look at each one. WHY MUST I express why this is good? Its not the destination, its the FUCKING OBVIOUSLY JOURNEY THATS important! It's what's going on NOW NOW NOW NOW Selfish... interested. amazing. 8:57 [still typing away] No time sense.... I'm listening (ENERGY TREMORS WITH THE thoughts...) BEAUTIFUL EVERYTHING WOW. WHAT will this look like. Always the watcher making sure what I say is OK.... can i even HOPE to let that go?> Who can I share this qith? S? K? It would be too different. [I recall I was referring to mushrooms, not to this document in this sentance.] I'm a little afraid to bring up people- to be judged. But that's the way it is. (the observer watches me type out of order, and keeps a note.) Wow. You could beleive yourself insane here... but this is just a way of looking at the way your head always goes about its li (private again, sorry.) NO! I'm sharing too much THIS IS AMAIZNG... I AM SO AWARE OF what's on the surface and what is below. Wow. Mustn't type further... can only share this with someone who is here with me. h Sorry, folks... more energy than I can do to keep writing (9:01 the observer says!) (feet tickle too!) fighting little bits of my personality.. each one demanding to be [the n let] [the next?] to talk.... Enouh. Save it and go. DARK darK dark If you ever thought stream of conciousness was cool... it don't hold a CANDLE to this... wow. (Observer notes tickle left toe, things I won't discusss.) Ah. Someone wants to go, someone wants to hang here. COPELAND! I *****%&% myust know what's going on inside someone else head! This is a bring home idea! WHAT do you R e a l l y think? (Where will you lie, as, um John Anderson seems to be singing) too much too much! so much but its good I can just roll with it I 9:03 [still writing] SEEMS LIKE IVE BEEN RAMBING FOR AGES... THE BIT WITH THE LETTER uh (oops) o I can't type it again. Tis will be SOSOSOSOSO funny to read later (LAUGTER TE OBSERVER NOTES). (ALMOST IT AN !!!) Cras test dummies on now. I can tink it, see it, but its so muc fun not to use sentances i know include a dreaded letter! I CANT EXPRESS LAUGTER WITOUT IT :):) :):) I GUESS I CAN. 9:05 says the observer. (The thought) How will I explain all tis to but I tink I will let oters try it first, before tey can see were it puts you. (I can type h, I'm just not doing it right now... laugHter mucH Humor!) (WATERING EYES AND STUFF notes the observer. who doesn't like the goddam caps lock key, as I've mentioned.) Must post this. Facinating. other people's head might understand it... I know *I* do... So this is why Abbie and co. thought it might be good to understand psychosis..? nah. It's just another way of expresing being. True insanity couldn't multiply 6 by (HHHHH!!!) 9. = 54. And the act of multiplying or thinking is diferent from the method of expression. Keep it to myself, thinks the obsever. "This is a fine place" says Geddy.. (Counterparts... ah yes to yes $#5 #5!) Recap. What to bring home! The observer. (trip is SO accurate!) Positive perspective, vs. negative expections of how I think evferyone else must perceive things... I think "Blah", so so must they! JS must've done this. :-) OOOPS! mentioned a person. MAKES IT PRIVATE, HUH! [M&K call at this point. Long talk about many many things.] h Humph. Much more slowed down now after an hour and a half talk with M&K. very fascinating experience all in all. I wasn't really prepared for the ?profoundness? of it all... Enough for now., I think I'm getting tired. 10:43 REREAD EVEYTHING. interestng. way fascinating. [Went to sleep at about 11:30. A little tough to relax at first, then drifted off into a solid sleep. Woke feeling a bit groggy at 7am. No problems doing a good workout, but a little draggy today.] ------------------------------------------------------------------------- To find out more about the anon service, send mail to help@anon.penet.fi. Due to the double-blind, any mail replies to this message will be anonymized, and an anonymous id will be allocated automatically. You have been warned. Please report any problems, inappropriate use etc. to admin@anon.penet.fi. ============================================================================= Subject: My first trip Newsgroups: alt.drugs.culture From: nipo@brahman.nullnet.fi (N. Ipo) Message-ID: <nipo.0lhk@brahman.nullnet.fi> Date: Thu, 21 Jul 94 22:43:25 EET My first mushroom trip or account of a current drug fiend, student, raver, mucician and painter. It was about 11 months ago, in the august of 93. In may I had ordered and received an interesting book called Psycedelics Encyclopedia, by Peter Safford. I was not that interested in psychedelics, the man I talked in phone with suggested I'd order it after I asked if they had any 'weird' books. My friend and I got into fervic research and finally found out about Psilocybe Semilanceata - A Psychedelic mushroom that grows where I live (Finland). There really is not much of subculture for drugs or psychedelia here in Finland. We have very few words to describe states or levels of intoxication. Mostly words to describe how one is drunk (on alcohol). Few take hash or hemp, mostly here in south, in Helsinki. I had experimented with hash but it was nothing like this - no visuals, actually nothing else than deep drunkenness (There goes your gatewaydrug-theory). Also, the alcohol culture here goes something like this: "Women and children drink 2 bottles of vodka - real men 4." This was said to me by a father of a friend. Im not very much into that sort of drinking - I like more few glasses of wine with friends to loosen your talk. Basicly everyone here gets as drunk they can get. Not much of that social drinking, or taking a glass of wine with dinner. You get legs-off drunk, or dont get drunk, thats it. This is also beginning to change. The book was part of the completely new world, the second wave of Psychedelia - Techno to some, ambient or house, whatever you like (or at least to me it was). In the beginning of the august we began searching for the mushrooms, and finally found a field full of what was supposedly Panaeolus Subbalteatus a/or Panaeolina (Sic?) Foeniscii. We both ate probably about 100 of these andd alsofound on one other field three small Semilanceata look-alikes. After about an hour we both had very slight weird feeling. Dont know if this was placebo or not, but thats what we felt. Eager for more, we got disappointed and othing happened - we didn't get to trip or anything. So we continued roaming the countryside, and finally one day, came across the same field we had found those three small Semilanceatas. We decided to search for the mushrooms. A friend who wasnt much into finding these was also there and he had gloves on as it was a bit chilly that day. There were some of those greenspinach-like plants that sting you when you touch them (I dontt know the english name) growin on the pasture and my friend let some negative energy loose on those no-good organism that had burned his ankle while he was climbing the fence (some cows there). Me and the other friend came across the evaporated bush, and wow! -there they were, waiting for us, just standing there - Natures perfect hallucinogen (TM): Loads of Psilocybe Semilanceatas. The cows hate to burn their mouths so they wont eat the bushes or trample them or the mushrooms near the bushes. We picked propably about 100-200 medium to large (some of the stems as tall as 20 cm). Exhilarated and hypervetilanting+happy we headed for my house. I consumed about 40 to 50 mushrooms, fresh and pleasant tasting, actually tasting bit like water and tasteless fiber/mush. We had ried smoking amanita muscaria before, with no effect (not even nausea). My friend consumed about 50 - 60 ( I am about 170 cm, 60 kg, my friend 180/75 kg). We left the rest of the mushrooms on the plate, on the kitchen table. And got loopy - weird visuals floating before our eyes, things bulbing and twisting. The other friend thought this was funny and he decided to stay and listen to our ideas and antics. It was totally ecstatic. My room upstairs was small with coupla of chairs and a table, we darkened it and put the red light I have on. And I looked at my friends and their actions I thought I could see their thoughts, or more like what they were thinking to do next - elemental telepathy. My friend said at one point that I had a very distinct and glowing aura, as the other friend didnt have. He said that this was because I had eaten the mushrooms the other friend hadnt. We went out for a cigarette and everything was so crisp and clear - the pines and the garden, the chilly and fresh air, sun setting and everything. As we got back in we walked around the house exploring the new dimensions it had gained, especially the wallpapers and drapes my mother had put into the livingroom - biedermayer - differend colorful flowers and patterns that seemed to live the lives of their own, the legs of the tables and chairs carved to resemble legs of animals, I feared these could any moment rush off or do something weird. We have cats and a dog and I thought they were completely normal; the cats very social and purring when scratched, the dog loyal and friendly, waving its tail and putting its paw on my knee to get some patting and attention. We also noticed echos - like reverb that repeats sound and fades it in the same time ( "HI! HI Hi hi i . ." ). Into my mind fled all kind of weird random syllables that I kept intonating. They did have some common rhythm and structure but I didnt start analysing, just kept babbling nonsense. We slowly quieted down, I sat on the weird (it really is) divan/sofa, that has sort of wings you can lean on and the legs of a lion and some patterns all around. My other friend lied down on the floor, and the other began reading some comics (probably beginning to get bored). Having sat there for a time I thought I had wet my pants and got embrassed, but decided that if I just sit here, neither will notice. Bit later my friend got bit anxious and began inquiring on how much time is there still left. The other, one reading the comics, mumbled some numbers and I realized I couldnt get the hang of it: the concept of time had completely dissolved. After about 5 minutes countless timeasking and such I got it, but didnt remember how long the trip is - so I took the book out. Absolute + complete nonsense. I didnt even see any letters in it, just some weird glyphs and signs, that had some sort of competition going on - they were running in lines towards the center of the page. My other friend tried it - first he said that it wasnt english, then he said the letters were jumping up and down, towards and away from him. So our comicbook-reading friend had a go - he was not very good in english and hadnt read the book so he didnt find it at first, but I was able to guide him - some words just popped into my mind, like index and dosage and such. I also was starting to get anxious - my friend said he was feeling hellish. We found out we had about 4 hour left. Suddenly the room attacked me - the buzzing sound of the electricity meter coming from the hall amplified, walls breaking down in fear, a complete bad trip. My friend said he was going home and left. The other friend said he was feeling like he was dying, and as he said his heart was beating like crazy I noticed that mine was too. He said that he felt like he had 40 C fever, and I felt verrrry hot and weak too. This was the part sense left me (and probably my friend) completely. We decided those mushrooms were poisonous, or something like that. We ran around the house. Afterwards it feels do funny, but it wasnt much then. Finally I decided to call some help. My thoughtprocess was weirdly disrupted and I somehow thougth that one needs jeans to make a call - so I got upstairs and began looking for jeans. Finally after finding jeans (or recognising the room + closet + clothes), I got to the phone and dialed - 118: beep.... beep.. (answer) Tele numbers. Can I help you? This threw me totally out of it and I didnt even fear anymore or feel or anything (The right number is in Finland 112). I was just - dont know. I just went to lie down on my bed. After a while I thougth I had died as I could see nothing (I had the blanket pulled over my head). I saw vision of a great white light floating in nothingness (It was god or something and it was pulling me towards hir). Thousands of other balls of lights were floating towards it like fireflies, but at some point the Biggie Lightball of Ultimate Ultragodbeing didnt pull me and I felt like it said "Hey! Youre not ment to be here." Some weird visuals and next thing i remember is the lcd of my video flashing 0:00. I began thinking this is home. My home. Whattahell? I waited for 0:01 for probably 10 - 20 minutes. Then I got it - it was hell - time didnt pass, the trip was supposed o end at about 3:00 - but I was locked here for ever. So I just lied there. How clever, I thought, so minimalistic and yet so efficient - an eternity laying on a bed. What a megabore. These I pondered probably about 2 hours and then I began to think that I'd like to see god or devil, or whoever had devised this weird hell. And began thinking: boy is he a good guy, so brilliant. Of course there are no flames in hell - someone migth like it. I began thinking all kinds of funny teddybear hells and such and then my thought trailed off and I kinda began liking it. It was fun. I have always been into using my brain not my muscles (and no Im not the nerdy type). Finally I got down, and went downstairs. My friend had also started to get the hangofit, but said he will lay down for a while. I noticed the plate that was supposed to be full of mushrooms, at least enough for a one trip. My friend said he had taken a few more everytime he had passed the table - Wow! No wonder he felt like laying down. I ate and drank and man - was it great to be back on the normal level of thoughtprocess! I felt like returning from a long long trip to the other side of galaxy. Sun was beginning to rise although it wouldnt be visible for hours. Food was great. Water was great, everything was so goddamn great - i felt like 452 million dollars. I have since tripped about 12 times - give or take few. I learned from this experience: You must be prepared mentally for the trip. These substances are not toys. One must be careful, or one might have to suffer. I have taken up meditation, nothing trancendal or anything, just simple breathing/ concentration exercises (Im bit sceptical about those yogas and such - there isnt much scientific evidence to make them any better than the simple practices I do.) I eat healthier food and have dropped caffeine and alcohol. Save for the tobacco still, I smoke 1-5 smokes a day. If I dont get any fo 2 hours I get very nervous and annoying. Hope this will spread some knowledge on the subject. But - I have never since experienced a bad trip. One very boring though, just before exams for the University: I kept thinking about my future all the time, what it will be like to study there, is it the right choice, have I read enough to get in... Like not bad, but not good. Quite constructive. Didnt give me any good insights. Have a nice life. I know I will. --- Ever fall in love with a mushroom.. ============================================================================= Subject: An Mushroom Experience Newsgroups: alt.drugs.psychedelics From: nipo@brahman.nullnet.fi (N. Ipo) Message-ID: <nipo.00rl@brahman.nullnet.fi> Date: Mon, 22 May 95 17:34:02 EET Time: Around seven pm till 2 am on 20th of May 1995. Occasion: Smoking of several grams (4-6 g) of skunk-weed and ingestion of 8 large Psilocybe semilanceatas for recreational purposes. Setting: This experience took place in my apartment in comfy bed while different very enjoyable ambient was beingplayed. A friend was present also enjoying little relaxatory doses of these substances. Mind Set: I had not ingested any psychedelic substance since 4.11.95 (about 5 months pause). Have felt good for last weeks, and during previous week studied ethnobotany and anthropology quite intensively. During saturday first slept till 2 pm, and then went to a festival (alone though - was unable to reach any friends, which caused a very slight depression); 'Worlds Meet' - all kinds of people there and lots of different musics/arts/thoughts etc. Nice athmosphere. After that went to Botanical Gardens of Helsinki University for a long stroll. Very nice, and I felt very peaceful and calm after leaving the gardens. Went home and a friend came at 6 when he said he'd come. We started with a chat and a few small bonghits... These skunk bonghits were always very subtle but powerful, I felt. One thinks one is very sober and normal, but when trying to do something or even thinking something complex reveals the true nature of things.. Fun, I've always felt. We smoked couple of small bongfuls of these (maybe 2 grams per head), and then decided to take a little time to listen to FSOL's ISDN and Isaku Sakaros Ohm.. Nice.. Both very nice for this ultralight-paragliding of the conciousness. Both are of very high fidelity with large hall and space-echoes even when sober, and my stereos are also very HiFi, so almost immediately I was swept along into the spaces and places in the music - every detail and overall perception of music was of very hig resolution. I was on the verge of literally tripping - nice visuals. After about half an hour we drank some mushroom tea. Taste was as icky as it had been 5+ months ago and before that, and all effects felt somehow very familiar. Though quite diluted, in spite of the very long pause. While stoned, the tenseness of the jaws was not felt coming on, and legs felt quite feeble already, so only coming on-effects were introduction of extra reverb into each sound, and very slow deepening of all thoughtpatterns... Visuals also came quite colorful, but the patterns I usually see on the retina (small dots, waves and squares of different color) were absent. Some Thursday Afternoon was being played, and we both decided that it w as bit too lame, as we both listen to it very much while reading and such.. So on came Terry Rileys Shri Camel. This was probably about 45 minutes after ingestion. I felt very sober, could speak very clearly and still knew I was quite inebriated. My friend put on Flasher to about 15 Hz and white, and I decided to take a dive to the deep... To some extent all this was spontaneous, and yet I did think every now and then parts of the hallucinations, for instance the tunnels... ... I thought, "I'll go towards the light, white light," and these beginnings of caverns were forming in front of my eyes, of blue, and pink and orange color.. I searched for the white light, and found it.. I dove in and the caven changed into tunnel made of turquose rings of light, I sped through them, towards the white light, rings grew quickly paler and suddenly I felt very weird - awed sort of, bit scared if I should do this, or jus t open my eyes - I had lost the feel of my body and was completely away in the spiritworld.. I hesitated for a microsecond and then continued while thinking "Don't think. Think nothing. Thinki pinki." [ =) ] - and suddenly was there - In the _Primorial_Fire_, it burned me away, clensed me of everything, parts of me beginning to melt and turn into dust blow away by the horrible force of this pure white light - I opened my eyes, as I felt a tingles in my body where the parts had begun melting - everything was back to quite normal. "Oh, don't fight it," I thought, "let go. Let go. LET GO," I said to myself, and closed eyes, stopped fighting it, the fire returning in the form of a volcano, volcano the size of the Himalayas, I was the volcano. I burned and oozed and was being purified - and this was not an unpleasant feeling, more like bittersweet, and I also felt very powerful... I was unable to completely let go, so this little doubt dwelt in the back of my mind, whether I should stop, for the intensity of everything was rapidly escalating. I the volcano turned from pale red to pure white, pressure building up along the temperature, and suddenly I let go. Just relaxed myself physically and mentally, and the volcano erupted into the skies, throught the skies to the space, towards all stars in the form of quark-sized million-kelvin particles. My friend asked me whether I wanted to have a few hits off the bong.. I took some, and changed Riley to something else (can't remember). And then I lay down again, saying I'll take another dive. As I closed my eyes for a short time my thoughts and visions were very chaotic, but then I saw a woman. I don't know exactly what she looked like, and so on, but I stepped closer to her thinking I would began to have these visions of wild orgies I've sometimes had - in the Psychedelic Experience it is mentioned as some bardo of some level.. But no. She was Mother Earth. For a moment I was bewildered. Then I placed my hand on her vaginal lips, and first one, then two fingers slipped in.. Then my hand, and my arm.. And all the time I grew smaller, or she grew bigger, for I went inside her womb, which was a passageway.. I felt very warm.. very secure and she showed me things I had done wrong, things I should do... Very quickly after this the visions began to fade, totaling in about 3 hours.. My friend had taken a couple more shrms and he came out of it about half an hour later.. So we listened to weird and wonderful ambient-music and smoked and talked about what we had experienced... What was very weird is that we smoked at least 3 grams of nice weed during these hours between 11 pm and 2 am, and either didn't feel very stoned. Maybe the rest of the bag was not as good as the top, or then our tolerance (psychological) had increased after the voyage. Summary (sort of): Very nice experience of much greater strenght I had expected, even after 5 months pause. However I was quite in control, being able to return to normal levels of conciousness by opening my eyes. The effects of the setting, I feel, were very pro- nounced (primordial fire, purification, symbolic death and mother earth are all elements of shamanic traditions). I liked very much the softening effects of the marijuana on the phase where ef- fects are coming on. But had I ingested larger dose (eg. 40 mushrooms), the result wouldn't probably had been as nice. Even though the preparation period was very short (couple of hours in the Botanical Gardens) experience was quite divine. So I arrive to this conclusion: The Divinity or Quality is not connected to the Dosage. More is not necessarily Better. Happy voyages, N. Ipo --- Nipo@::::::We know we are made for freedom. Human beings will strive after::::: Brahman.::that, for we know inside us that we are made for the transcendent.::: Nullnet.::::A person is a person to other persons. We are interconnected.:::::: Fi::::::::::::::::::::::When one goes down, we all go down.:::::::::::::::Love! ============================================================================= From: wild@titan.oit.umass.edu (Just in "d" wilds of my mind!) Newsgroups: alt.drugs Subject: Journal of triping on shrooms Date: 13 Feb 1995 19:27:39 GMT Message-ID: <3hobrb$k6i@nic.umass.edu> Here is my journal pages from the first time I ever triped. It's a bit tough to follow but here goes. It's not too long I hope you enjoy my first trip. It was really intense but the writing I did that night was not just random thoughts. 8/19/94 9:45- I just ate 3 pieces of mushrooms 2 stems and a cap. It's 9:45pm on Friday. I'll write a bit...45 minutes I'm a bit strange because I like the tast of shrooms. 10:00- I'm just nervous in anticipation the above cost 15$. I don't know the guy who sold them to me but my friend said they are good. I just bought two more small pieces for 3$ 2 small stems. I don't have much in my stomic I just ate an orange. I'm real nervous. "Gone! Like Candy." Craig Murphy said. Bill and Matt just left. I only didn't get one class at Umass. I want to listen to music. 10:05- (more boaring stuff like the above) 10:15- I'm feeling a bit strange. Nothing too strange...yet. 10:20- Nothing much yet. Bill and I are going to smoke to increase the trip. What I've eaten today 2 pizza slices. 2 two chicken tenders some water soda crackers 10:25- I'm feeling rather normal...I think. 10:30- I feel like laughing so bad. 10:45- I'm in the dark its tough to write. I just smoked. I wonder what is going to happen? The crickets are really loud and distinct. 11:00- I'm in Matts car (he is straight) lights out. We are going north on 93. Huge speakers loud music. Black Sabboth Ministry. I'm tripping good. How do I write it.. It connects everything. The drug connects the music to everythig. Everything is dancing. Everyting is a neat green. I can come in and out of the "trip" to semi reality and then back in to no reality. I'm going back in. In and out of two worlds. 11:15- I'm in the dark driving...wow. (at this point I stoped keeping track of time) I don't want to write because I like to be zoned. I'm gone. is that.. wow.. Is that a face I cant read what I'm writing do you understand me. Lumberjack (what a funny word while triping try it) Lumberjack she said and I laughed whole lotta love whole lotta love love you hey Baby M led Zeppelin boy wow I love Zeppelin my left hand wow everything is melting just like Billy said I can put my hand in my brain I am massaging my brain I have become def All important is the now what I write in the past has no signifigance only what is coming off my pen right now. (now my friend Craig wrote a bit) Some people cry, funny trip ride it THE SONG this is fun Do you think stan is the cookie monster I dont know (back to me and then I stopped writing) I don't want to waist paper Ramble on This is like a dream (That is all I wrote....the night was long and fantastic. I could probably tell you more now about what happened but that is what I wrote. The whole trip was in a car ride for hours. We drove miles and it seemed like minutes. Tell me what you think) -wild ============================================================================= 4 TRIP REPORTS Dose: ~6 dried and ground Psilocybe cubensis mushrooms People: J, K, Ea, Ei (contact address: an150528@anon.penet.fi) Place: Separate 4-person cabin at a hostel, relatively far from other people. Mattresses & sleeping bags on floor, CD/cassette player and plenty of music. Fresh snow, forest, open fields and lake right outside, with temperature just barely below 0░C. Excellent setting! Time: Started at 20:30 (+0), lasted until 02:00 (+5.5) *** Overall comments by J Descriptions of experience have been given by all 4 people present, and I think this shows nicely how individual tolerance to the drug and mental set can change a trip's character even when the dosage and the setting are identical. For example, note how the weather outside was "beautiful" to Ei and "pristine" to J, but only "a little strange" to Ea and positively "dreadful" to K. Similarly, the effect of the music was interesting, with some people concentrating on it entirely and for others it being just background. In the 'header' of each description, I've indicated the tripper's level of experience with psychedelics, and given an approximate rating of the trip's "psychedelic level" on a scale of 0-5. The trips are ranked in approximate order of cosmicity, from a strong level 3 to a mostly level 1-2 experience. *** Report by Ei (first trip; level 3) A detailed, accurate description of what I saw, felt and experienced during my maiden trip into the wonderful world of 'mushies' is impossible. Some of the visions that appeared into my mind were so vivid, so full of colors and so different, that words are not enough to explain them. We started to ingest the grained mushies at around 8:30. As this was my first time, I felt hyper and excited, even a little nervous. The actual ingestion was no problem; the mushrooms - despite a yucky smell - did not really taste like anything, and it was easy to swallow them with water. During the first few minutes nothing happened. I even tried to meditate with Ea, but it was rather impossible to concentrate. Then (probably after 15-30 minutes; I couldn't track time), I started to feel a strange, yet nice tingling sensation moving in waves around my body. I closed my eyes, and the tingling changed into a feeling of "heaviness," I felt languid and at ease. Then the tingling sensation took over again, this time stronger, and I sensed a light buzziness in my head. I opened my eyes, and focused on the little, round, white fire alarm situated on the ceiling right above me. I began to see tiny red and green squares dancing in front of my eyes. All of a sudden there was a red flash of light. It was in the shape of a small, 'multi-horned' star, that blinked for a fraction of a second and then disappeared. Wow! I closed my eyes, thinking "Here we go...," and the letters fused into squares that sank down as if forming a staircase... Then all kinds of weird and exciting figures started to form in psychedelic colors ranging from light green to violet and red. They were of numerous shapes, but each seemed to follow a certain pattern, much like those found on Japanese or Chinese paintings (a lot of beautiful flower-like structures). I swallowed and realised that I could actually feel the saliva moving down my oesophagus (it did not feel gross at all). The oesophagus, however, resembled a water pipe, and at the end there was actually a cute, little tap, ready to be turned on! The saliva was coming out of it in drops, and falling into my stomach, which was - indeed - a pool of water. Simultaneously I felt my left big toe transforming into a thick white arrow, that began to spiral upwards! At this point I was still able to discuss what I saw with the others, and we laughed at each others' observations. Every time I opened my eyes, I could see the flashy star (which I had named "my little red thing"). It made me feel calm and peaceful, and drove away the twinge of fear I occasionally still felt. This star was, in fact, to be my "guardian angel," to which I could return in between my jumps from one world (or scenery) to another. In my mind, I could analyse almost everything I saw, and felt to have a certain control of which figures to look at (yes, I have read Castaneda!). All this time we had been listening to Orb. As the mushies started to have a tighter grip (iik!) on us, we decided to switch on some meditative music. Correct choice! I can't tell when the music started to control my thoughts, but as I neared the peak of the trip, my visions changed acccording to the music. Beautiful sceneries, each colored according to the particular song being heard, entered my mind, and I let go... The feeling that was to follow was the most beautiful, warm, safe, amazing euphoria, that could never be expressed in words. All I can say is that I was floating in a roundish space, colored light blue (but unlike any blue I had seen before), filled with beautiful, soothing things I thought were strawberries! I completely lost track of time -hell, I lost track of myself! I was snuggled warmly under my blanket, feeling perfectly safe and comfortable. The music seemed to cradle me in her arms, rocking me the way a mother rocks her child. My fingers were in contact with something warm and soft, like the fur of a bear, and this added to the feeling of security (I did vaguely realize that this fur was in fact K's hair (!), but that had no meaning whatsoever). I was floating, floating, floating... But as soon as I became conscious of what was happening, the feeling of utter happiness subsided. I could still sense what had happened, but no longer felt it. The blue world seemed to slip away. The song ended, and the next piece brought with it a light green world that was filled with flute/violin music. I could actually see the blue world leaving me, fading into the distance below. A helpless longing filled me; I did not want to lose touch with the blue world, but knew that I had. I felt like crying, but no tears came. I felt sad, helpless and alone. The song ended. The next piece of music transported me into yet a new world, into a series of new worlds, in fact. Every time the music changed, I entered a different world. I have only vague flashbacks of those worlds, one of them being a beige one, where beautiful flowers danced ballet wrapped around one another... At one point the scenery in front of my eyes turned into a purple sunset, in which a strangely beautiful woman (nymph?) was doing a strangely beautiful, swaying dance. Much to my amazement the nymph was suddenly transformed into one of my closest friends with whom I had unfortunately lost contact and whom I worried about. I was overcome by a joyous feeling; I knew that my friend was fine, and that she could somehow feel my presence, as well. I opened my eyes for a while, and for some reason began to examine my fingers. To tell the truth, they were no longer fingers, but like the horns of a black starfish, wavering in the swing of the ocean's waves. When I put my hand into a fist, again, it turned into a yellow lotus, which came to full bloom as I slowly uncurled my fingers. The thought of my body as the body of a human being disgusted me. I closed my eyes and entered a new world. I can remember a dark blue, thick wave that swept along with it everything that it contacted. Suddenly a collection of dead animals, preserved for show, appeared in my eyes. I stared at each animal in the eyes, feeling utter hopelessness and pity towards them. Despite the fact that they were dead, there was a feeling of togetherness. No wonder I'm a vegetarian! Most of the time I was feeling either fine or euphorious (physically), but there was a time when I felt as if someone was tearing my guts apart. There was a feeling of acute pain, and I started to get a bit panicky. But as I faced the ceiling and saw "my little red thing" again, the pain subsided, and I felt fine. Slight feelings of nausea did appear once in a while, but they lasted only for short monets. The peak of the trip had evidently passed (23:00?). I still had some hallucinations, but mostly we just fooled around with various "trip toys" that we had brought along. Interesting. I felt hungry, and decided to peel an orange. I felt sorry for it, and despite the beauty(!) of the flesh, felt bad about eating it... We decided to take a walk outside. I saw everything in a new light, and the nature looked more beautiful than ever. I threw myself on the snow, and felt the earth round up around me. There was no clear division between the sky and the land. Woooow... I could go on forever. It is, however, such an impossible task to describe all the visions and sensations, that I won't even try. The trip was totally different from what I had expected, but then again, certain parts of it greatly exceeded my wildest hopes. Despite the fact that I had stomach aches throughout the following morning, I was more than satisfied with the mushies + felt energetic and happy. I still keep on bursting to laughter all of a sudden. Strangely enough, none of the other trippers had experienced anything so earth-moving. Do I recommend this for others? Hell, yes! Nothing will ever be quite the same again... *** Report by J (fourth trip; level 1-2) After getting comfy, we all munched on the mushroom powder and washed it down with 7-Up and water. Within 15 minutes, the first physical effects of slight queasyness, heavy weight and drowsiness could be felt, and the first CD of The Orb's _Adventures Beyond the Ultraworld_ was popped in the player. Red-green-blue blips soon appeared, as well as tiny floating boxes of the by now familiar pattern that seems to only occur with Ps. cubensis: _________ |o o o o o| (blips of green and red alternating in vertical rows, |o o o o o| background of box metallic light blue, the box floating |o_o_o_o_o| at an angle against a black background) I relaxed and let my mind drift, and the first hour passed surprisingly rapidly. Other than the RGB-blips there were practically no visuals, just the faintest hint of 'wave interference'-type patterns in the background with eyes closed. The only detail I still remember was the sound of a jumbo jet passing overhead; the immense, building noise filled my head completely for a few seconds. The Orb was then changed to _Meditative Music_, a CD of reworked Chinese meditation tunes, which was absolutely brilliant. The music transported me to another world. While I could not really _see_ where I was, I could _feel_ the music, the emotion behind every note of saxophone or flute, and even though I speak no Chinese I could understand the singer's chant as an expression and celebration of the joy and ecstasy of existence. Words fail me here, I cannot describe my state of mind other than to say that it was incredible. When the CD ended it was around +2, and the second CD of Orb was popped in the player, starting from the third track. (My time sense was gone, I am dating the events by the lengths of the CDs.) By now, the peak of the trip was ending, and we were all starting to play around with the various triptoys we had brought. Stuffed animals, especially my big fluffy sheep Flossy, were tons of fun when petted, hugged or thrown at other people. Kooshes felt completely cosmic as well, although it was too dark to see the pretty colors or the wobbling of the little strands. Ea's braided long hair felt extremely strange, with the individual braids feeling like little squishy wooden beads tied together. I was starting to pay attention to my body again, after basically forgetting its existence for two hours, and now it felt like it formed a network with my mind at the center. My mind could 'ping' each body part, for example my big toe, which would then twitch and send back a status report describing the surroundings in surreal detail. "Roger, brain, left big toe here! Sending out exterior probes... A-ha, we are currently leaning against what appears to be a wall, whose tactile nature resembles that of wood. Estimated distance to right foot 10 centimeters. Over and out..." At +3 the few hallucinations I had had were almost all gone and we decided to go outside. Getting up and getting dressed was difficult since coordination was less than optimal, but we managed it and stumbled outside into a world covered in pristine, white snow. I tasted some, it was fluffy and delicious. After walking around outside the cabin a bit, admiring the tactile squishyness of mud underneath the snow, we decided to go take a look at the lake. We made a detour to the bathrooms, where the hot-air dryer and a stream of water falling from the roof proved to be fascinating, and then continued on our way. A bank of snow maybe half a foot deep on the side of the road proved to be a formidable obstacle, but I gathered my courage and stomped across it and Ea and Ei followed, K having returned to the cabin to listen to more music. Ei then collapsed into the snow, lying on her back and staring at the sky, and Ea & I went to investigate a strange sight. In the middle of the field there was a circle of stone, with a metal grid in the middle. I'm still not quite sure what it was, suggestions ranged from an alien artifact to an outdoor grill for munchkins to a well designed for sunbathing. (Concept.) Ei then returned from the dead and we trudged onward towards the expanse of ice, with some scary moments when going down a hill which has drifts of up to a foot of snow in parts. We reached the lake, and were mystified by a strange field around us covered in positively alien geometric shapes: triangles, pyramids, circles, octagons. We were also a bit unsure about where the land ended and the ice started, so we erred on the side of caution. Ei flopped into the snow again and we went to explore the mysterious shapes, which turned out to be a miniature golf course. Pretending to be a golf ball and walking around the course was amusing. We were getting a bit cold, so we headed back, but only after stopping at a children's playground and testing out the swings, which were, as expected, extremely crunchy. Once we got back, the effects were starting to subside, so Ei peeled a few oranges (naturally causing lots of joking "Help! Don't peel me! EEEEK!"-comments around the room). The oranges were quite tasty, even if the orange peels reconstructed into a hollow sphere did look rather unhappy. I tried to read a book of poetry, but it wasn't too extraordinary. At around +5, K & Ei headed back outside and Ea & I attempted to sleep, which was an exercise in futility, so we just talked about what had happened, it being finally possible to do so without bursting into paroxysms of giggling every three words. Eventually K & Ei returned and we all drifted off to sleep, ending what was for me a very pleasant, albeit not breathtaking, trip. *** Report by K (third trip; level 1-2) Setting was a nice cabin by a lake and mostly perfect were it not for the dreadful weather outside: the night turned out gloomy and wet. The day prior to ingestion had been occupied by various activities and on the whole the day was not IMHO the best day. I would have postponed it by a week but the arrangements were carried out because three other people were attending. The powdered dry shrooms were easily swallowed with the aid of 7UP. The carbonated drink resulted in an odd burpy feeling in the stomach. The taste was distinctly shroomy. Actual noticeable effects came surprisingly early; after 20 minutes of ingestion an increasing awareness came over me. Sorta of like an awakening to reality: hey! I am going to trip now. The initial reactions were of intense anticipation and the rushing feeling of familiar effects was purely euphoric. Quickly, however, I came to realize that the dose (around 6ml of fine powder) was actually very low but definitely higher than on my 2nd trip (1 lvl). This caused my joyfulness to reduce dramatically as last time, for my expectations were higher. The trip itself proceeded with a very mild peak, visuals being almost negligible. Thought activity was also quite slow, perhaps due to the mild depression I had had all day. Thoughts ran along a single line and I could not concentrate on the music. My physical position during the trip was in the most awkward of postures, nevertheless I was successful in forgetting my body. The trip was extremely low in any kind of revelations or the sort, for I was not set for meditation. Only a few things of significance crossed my mind: if only I could get hold of some DMT - let it be the only and sufficient motive why I would study to be a chemist. Also, I confronted another minor problem of mine. This might sound schizophrenic, but it is actually nothing really serious. Sometimes I think I have two mes: one living life and socialising and enjoying, feeling, the real me, and sometimes I sort of flip to this other more undesirable state of mind: I am confused, unsociable, more afraid of everything, criticizing the actions and thoughts of the other self, watching my own physical actions and almost everything else very evil and unwanted. This other me seemed to occur when I was fundamentally depressed a few weeks ago with a lot of pressure due to the upcoming exams. This same state faced me during the trip at certain times with a much greater intensity and I was able to analyse it. Without going into details it seems the trip seemed to help me keep away this other state or more like "make friends" with it. Consequently, it has never occurred since for the past week. Perhaps the only good thing during the trip was this psychologic insight into schizophrenic cases where the identity has sort of separated into two or more. It also serves well to understand other people with similar problems. Music was not very good during the trip, for I was feeling quite low. The Eastern meditative music which is almost excellent sounded actually very boring. My physical body was feeling very lethargic and somewhat shaky. I was dreaming of the next upcoming rave and how I could have spent this trip time more usefully dancing rather than suffering in this condition. Although the trip was not very successful, the happiness and mood changes it brought about as post-trip effects were highly rewarding. The DMT desire during the trip goes to show that I was looking for something much more intense. My first trip on shrooms was without doubt the best most incredible experience I have ever met. With a marvelous setting and all, the revelatory content was extremely high. I saw myself as virtually nothing in the whole universe and the tremendous unity with all of it - this on the other hand brought the greatest euphoria I have ever felt and was carried on for many months to come. It totally blasted my life at that time. In comparison, the third trip was nothing and very superficial. Ei who had a first-time experience in mind-expansion was totally bewildered and had a truly good trip. It goes to show, that doses do not necessarily have to be large and effects are highly individual dependent. The trip was very visual-free which again subsided the euphoric side to everything. Visuals were more like square pixels forming figures, which I thought were not very interesting. Again the first trip had been swarming with color and spirals with a great intensity. A post-trip comment after 2.5 weeks: Mood changes have been quite dramatic at times. Sometimes feeling highly elated and sometimes dreadfully depressed. A week ago I suffered mentally from bad schizophrenic depression. Thinking became very superficial and highly critical of myself. As if I could not concentrate on anything. Doing something interesting or getting something to "boot" life helped me out of this state into a much more desirable state. Feels as if life is smiling again. Now that I have my final exams coming, my thought activity is safely bound to these realms. Escapism rules. *** Report by Ea (first trip; level 1) I picked Ei up at her house before we were meeting K and J. Talking about our feelings, it was clear that we were both a little nervous, since this was the first trip for both of us. I had expected myself to be hyped up, as always when I am about to experience something new and stimulating. However, as I had spent the day trying to smoothen and open my mind and to meditate, I was very calm. After settling down at the small, yet cozy cabin by a frozen lake, I proceeded with some meditation practices with Ei while K and J went out to buy batteries for the CD-player. Again, I experienced a slight calming effect. When K and J had returned, we swallowed the mushroom powder with 7up and water. I had high hopes for what I was about to experience. After about a half an hour the others started to voice their strange sensations and visual effects. This annoyed me a little, since my vision was unaffected. However, I could feel myself sway in a wave-like motion, the waves moving along my body from feet to head. When I talked to the others about my lack of visual effects, they suggested that I simply concentrate on the music. We were all lying down silently in the dark room, listening first to Orb, then to Meditative Music. Too often I let my thoughts wonder off to the people present and what they might be experiencing. For example, when an aeroplane flew by, I listened to the others voicing their awe. However, I heard it simply as the passing of a large aeroplane. I also had a tuft of someone's hair in my hand, this human contact being distractively lovely and comforting. At some point I lost my human contact, which brought some memories of the past into my mind and made me sad. It also gave me the ability to "feel" within myself a fact of life in which I had believed already before, yet only rationally. Then I started thinking about trips of which I had been told earlier. I recalled hearing how high expectations and the subsequent let-down can make you miss much of a trip and cause sustained depression. Also, underrating a trip by assuming you are in a normal state of mind can lead to problems. Consequently, I pulled myself together and decided to make the trip the best it could be. I suppose it was still quite early on the others' trips. However, for me, it was only the beginning. I went into myself, concentrating on me only. I put all my effort into taking pleasure in myself. I enjoyed the sensation of extreme, sensuous warmth, being cuddled up in my sleeping bag. Concepts such as being in the womb of Mother Earth and similar experiences by Allen Ginsberg came into mind. I noticed that the imaginative potential of my mind had increased significantly. For example, with only little effort I could vividly imagine myself being in the womb of Mother Earth. However, I could still easily rationalize that I was, in fact, not in Mother Earth's womb. The nature of the experience can be described to some extent in the following way: I felt, for example, what it would be like to smell Mother Earth, but I did not actually smell her. However, the most important aspect of the trip was the music, Meditative Music, to be precise. Simply saying that I could feel the music is a crude understatement. Yet there is no other way of describing what the music meant to me. I appreciated and venerated every note at a time. There was communication between us as each note spoke to me. It was as if I was celebrating something, companied by the music. The duration of each piece of music was insignificant, although I did not even pay any attention to such a matter. However, one piece slowed down noticeably near the end. When the CD came to an end, Orb was put on. It did not have the same effect on me as Meditative Music had had. By this time the peak of the trip was over, and the others started talking and playing with trip toys (ie. throwing them at me). By concentrating, I still tried to recreate the intensity of what I had just felt in the music, but with limited success. After a while we went out. Although my senses were quite normal, the surroundings seemed a little strange. Exploring the environment was intriguing. The strange feeling diminished all night and was practically gone the next morning. Instead, I felt joy and happiness, which coincided with beauty of the early- spring morning. POST-TRIP FEELINGS: I have experienced a regression back to adolescence on an emotional level [Oh no, not again!]. My feelings have ranged from depression to elation, initially with a period of about half a day of each. I have also noticed unusual responsiveness to different hormonal levels, and have occasionally responded to music with unexpected vigor. Fortunately, after a couple of weeks and a few teen-like stunts, I seem to have become my normal (?) self again. CONCLUSION: The trip was very comfortable and stimulating, although not as intense (only level 1) as I had expected. I would not want to have missed it, though, and I definitely want to trip on a higher dose in the future. ============================================================================= Message-ID: <104318Z12091995@anon.penet.fi> Newsgroups: alt.drugs.psychedelics,rec.drugs.psychedelic From: an61005@anon.penet.fi (Psybernaut) Date: Tue, 12 Sep 1995 10:40:04 UTC Subject: My First Shroom Trip <HTML> <HEAD> <TITLE>My First Shroom Trip</TITLE> </HEAD> <BODY> <H1>My First Shroom Trip</H1> <P>WARNING: Please read my article "Avoiding a Bad Trip", or the equivalent, before trying this at home (even though I break alot of my own rules in this story - I still believe you should have some guidance before taking your first plunge, as well I did).</P> <P> My first trip occurred at a deserted hiking/biking camp at a beautiful state park in the mountains in the early spring, about 5 years ago. I was alone, on a cross country solo mountain biking trip. I had never shroomed before. The day before, while riding deep in the forest along California's Lost Coast, I had encountered a scruffy, friendly backwoods mountain man/pot grower. It was in the morning, and he'd invited me over to his campsite and campfire for a cup of coffee. He was an amiable chap, though rough around the edges ("Me and cities don't get along too well"). He had a big, big, big, wolf-like dog, and showed me in his tent his sawed-off shotgun, stash of pot, and huge black garbage bag of shrooms. Anyway, when I resumed along my way, he sent me off with a couple of joints, and...about 2 grams of Psilocybin mushrooms, which, as I've said, I'd never tried (although I'd been using good pot for several years). </P> <P> I'd heard about "bad trips", and had my share of mild "bad trips" just on pot (high anxiety). My first time I'd really gotten stoned in elementary school I'd paniced and broken down and cried, but felt better after a few minutes. Ever since, though less and less, I still occasionally get very anxious in certain situations while stoned. And that was just pot. Shrooms were much more potent, from what I'd heard, even creating intense visual hallucinations. I was nervous. However, I'd heard that bad trips were much more common to LSD than shrooms, and I wanted to try them. </P> <P> The next day, having found a deserted, beautiful, meadow-like campsite in a grove of desiduous trees surrounded by coniferous forest, next to a beautiful rushing mountain river, I decided to take the day off from riding and eat the shrooms. </P> <P> I first ate one shroom, and started getting really nervous. After about 25 minutes, nothing had happened, so I'd calmed down. I then ate the rest of the shrooms. Then I <I>really</I> started getting scared. I knew I was going on a journey on which I had passed the point of no return. I'd never tried shrooms, before, so other than having heard a couple of other anecdotes, didn't really know what to expect. And here I was, out in the middle of the mountains, at least a day's bike ride to the nearest town, all alone. I was on the verge of panic, I thought maybe I should just pack everything up and start riding, I was so scared, I didn't know what to do. Finally, to ease my feeling of isolation, I picked up a notebook, walked over and sat down right next to a loud little waterfall in the river, and started writing a letter to my best friend, describing what I had done and how scared I was. This served to relax me a bit, and soon enough I realized around an hour must have passed and I still felt nothing. I felt relieved. </P> <P> At this point (+1), having calmed down, I went back to my campsite and sat at the old picnic table. I think I was still a bit nervous, and to help calm myself more, I picked up my harmonica and started playing it. </P> <P> A few moments later I saw something out of the ordinary which was the first manifestation of the drug in my experience. A tree across the meadow flush with small green leaves was waving in the breeze. To me it seemed every leaf was swaying in unison. The tree was flowing in an entrancing, swirling dance. At this I giggled. For here, just 30 minutes ago I'd been on the verge of panic, almost out of my mind with fear, and now the whole world within and without seemed to be collapsing from tension into a calm pool of flowing, euphoric well-being. What a rushing thrill! Just like the fear of jumping off a cliff into deep water. It seems safe, you see others do it, but you've also heard it's possible to get hurt or killed, however you've swam below and swam down to the bottom and seen that it's deep enough, and you've seen others do it, so you stand there, and finally you say "I'm gonna do it!!!" And your run towards the edge and leap out, and soon you're hitting major G forces as you accelerate towards the water so far below. "Yeeeeeeoooooooooowwwwwwhoooooh!" you shriek and then you plunge into the deep, refreshing water, safe and un- harmed. Half the thrill, for me, was the intense fear followed by the safe "landing" in the meadow. This is part of what creates the feeling of having gone on a long journey afterwards - the range of feelings from near terror to pure euphoria make for quite an intense experience that afterwards will seem like a very long journey. </P> <P>I had noticed the beauty of the meadow before, but now I seemed to be able to drink in the glowing, fresh, life-affirming, intoxicating warm beauty of my natural surroundings, radiant in the late morning mountain sunshine. </P> <P>I picked up my harmonica again and starting singing through it sweet little folk songs from my childhood I'd learned to play on it. It was difficult to play, because I kept giggling. </P> <P> I next took my harmonica and waded out into the high green grass swaying in the breezy warm sunshine in the meadow. As I walked towards the center of the meadow, buzzzy little bumbly beeeeezzze buzzed drunkenly by my buzzing, bubbly, giggly head. I lay down on my back playing my harmonica in unison with the beeze, the birds, the swaying grass and tree tops. The sun flashed streaks of rainbows in the deep blue sky. I sang with glee through my harmonica, stopping only from time to time for a happy, wailing laugh. Everything seemed to be melting slightly in the warm caressing sunshine, including me. </P> <P> It seemed like I melted away into the meadow and became part of the swirling swaying breezy beezy sunny meadow, and it seemed I laid there and played my harmonica all day. It was literally almost as though I'd died and gone to heaven. </P> <P>Finally I got up and carved "Johnny Appleseed loves Pippy Longstocking" in a heart on the old picnic table with my pocket knife, and wrote more in letter to my friend about how good I felt. </P> <P>The only other thing I remember that night was that as I fell a sleep, hours after I'd come down from the trip, I was jumpy, a bit scared in my tent of the sounds coming from the dark woods around the meadow. Several times I started awake thinking I'd stopped breathing as I'd teetered on the edge of sleep. Finally I drifted off, but was awakened by racoons trying to break into my food. They really spooked me, even though they were just racoons. I think the fear was residual not of the drug, but of the near panic before the drug came on. </P> <H2>Coming soon: my second shroom trip 2 years later</H2> <P>- The Psybernaut</P> ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- To find out more about the anon service, send mail to help@anon.penet.fi. If you reply to this message, your message WILL be *automatically* anonymized and you are allocated an anon id. Read the help file to prevent this. Please report any problems, inappropriate use etc. to admin@anon.penet.fi.